The war is with yourself

My manager told me my work wasn’t good enough.

I don’t remember the exact words. I just remember the feeling.

Okay, it’s not like I am a perfect person or that this is the first time telling me my work is shit. But it is the first time that I felt blindsided because I thought things had been going well.

Safe to say, I didn’t get anything else done that day. So, I went for a walk after the day. My mind only had one thought.

Is it bad? I don’t think it’s bad. But he thinks it’s bad. And he’s been doing this longer than me. Is there something I don’t see?

This wouldn’t have been such a big deal because I believe in my own work and I knew I was producing good work. It might have just been the project conditions that made it seem like my work sucked. But as much as I tried to shove that thought out of my mind, it kept gnawing at me.

My mistake was deciding to scroll LinkedIn on the way home. I have been trying to get my own consultancy up and running for a bit now but have been struggling securing a steady pipeline of work. So, LinkedIn is actually my platform of choice to find clients.

The first post I saw was from another competitor. I don’t remember the exact words but it was something like

“I never had more fun in my job until now and I have even made more money. Everyone should start their own business. It’s so easy!”

Okay, he probably didn’t say that but it sure as hell might have been.

Am I the problem? Am I just not good enough to work for myself? Why are other people finding this so easy? Is what my manager said correct? Is my work shit ?

I closed the app. Opened it again. Closed it again.

Maybe I’m doing it wrong. Maybe there’s something I just don’t get. Maybe I am just not good enough

I am not too sure how to feel here because on the one hand, all the advise in the world tells you that you need to trust yourself. That we instinctively know what the right and good thing is. But what happens if when you do your own thing, you don’t see any results? Then you go on LinkedIn and see others thriving. There must be something wrong there then.

Right, go on Youtube and you’ll find so many tutorials on the “best way to get clients” or the “best way to network” but in the end none of them actually help you because they aren’t you. yet being yourself doesn’t bring in results other. What then ?

If being yourself doesn’t work but following others doesn’t feel genuine then what the hell do you do ?

That was really the question that bugged me the most.

I have my own way of working that I thought was a good idea but then I have the world (LinkedIn) and someone “better” than me (my manager) telling me that I am doing things wrong.

Do I stand my ground and believe in myself ? Or do I listen to them and change ?

There is no right answer to this.