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Journal
What I felt like I had to write
Personal entries and stories on trying to live better.
39 entries
Money guilt in Singapore I am a tracker. I track everything, how much sleep I get, how many sets and what movements I do in the gym and especially how much money I spend. I use an app… The war is with yourself My manager told me my work wasn't good enough. Frantic and Rushing It's broken. Again. I tested this before I deployed it. I know I did. But here I am, 8pm on a Thursday, staring at error logs while everyone else is packing up.… On the Hook It's broken. Again. I tested this before I deployed it. I know I did. But here I am, 8pm on a Thursday, staring at "build unsuccessful" for what is probably the… Dependency I caught a cold after going out with friends the past few days. Intuition It’s a tumultuous time for me right now. I’m wrestling with work, career, and what independence really means. I no longer believe in the 9–5, but I still need… Writing Reflection Alright it's day 30/30 of the "just write" experiment. Fear of missing out I’ve drawn the line. Made the decision. Flipped the switch. The 9–5 is not the game I want to be playing. Yes, it’s hard work building something of my own. Yes,… Reminder It’s 2:00 a.m. Everyone’s asleep. I am in the room, on the bed. I have a cup of tea next to me. It's just peppermint. I still do plan on sleeping tonight, so I… Systems Systems and I go way back. I’ve built one for notes, one for finances, one for tasks… They’re not perfect, but they get the job done. They help me do the work… No one knows what they are doing I have been "pretending" to be structural engineer for the past few weeks. Showing up It’s day 27 of my 30-day experiment to write every day. Learning to trust One of the things you learn as you grow up is just how delicate trust is. Focus I have been thinking a lot about energy and focus recently. Controlling the Itinerary 6:00 Wake up 6:30 Coffee and breakfast 7:00 Push off for the city 8:00 Bus to the port 10:00 Cruise around the island 13:30 Lunch 14:30 Zoo 16:30 Bus back to… Stranger If you’d told me that immigrating to a new country meant never having a true “home,” I’m not sure I would’ve said yes. Abroad You know what I miss the most? Just hanging out. Not a trip. Not some fancy dinner. Just being together. Maybe watching some TV, it could even be just doing our… Fool I like to think I’m not afraid of looking like a fool… but maybe I am. Career Not in the “I own a business” or “I do something one-of-a-kind” sense. Travel I have a love-hate relationship with travel. Play Day 16 of my 30-day publishing experiment where I blog for 30 days every day. Comfort I sometimes give pain more credit than it deserves. Problems It’s a variation of the Stoic idea that the world just happens and we will always have problems regardless of where we are in life. People Am I standing right? Should I be holding my drink in my left or right ? Oh, she made a comment about her project, I should come back to that to keep the… Direction I have been really busy lately. And not the good kind. The overwhelming, this sucks kind. And maybe it's just me, but whenever work gets like this, my brain… The Long Game "Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?" Productivity I used to be a productivity nerd. Okay, I still sort of am — that’s the tech-y side of me, the part that loves tinkering with systems. But when it comes to… Spending on environments feels weird Three years ago, my fiancée and I bought our first apartment. Sharing Hey mum, Work this week was insane. The project lead made me work overtime. And I swear Mark doesn’t know what he’s talking about... How was work ? Worked… Sleep Oh, it's 7:30am already. Time to get up. I reach over to her side of the bed. It's cold. She left early today. And we’re still not speaking. Alright. Get up.… Tension The project’s in bad shape. Budget isn’t part of the conversation anymore, it’s just get shit done. It was pure fire fighter more. I've been put on the project… There is Tyranny afoot Oh, they want Mexican for dinner. I don’t feel like that tonight, but they seem like they really want to. Better not say anything. He’s one of my closest… What a video game taught me about fear It's 5:36pm. The sun is will set soon, but there's still enough light for the dive. I really don't want to do this again tomorrow. So, I move to the diving… Craftsmanship as trusting yourself I’ve been told to learn from others. I’ve also been told to trust myself, don't listen to the haters. But the market decides what's valuable, not you. Also, you… Desire is embarrassing I envy people who can post anything online without flinching. Shame hurts the most This is part of a month-long experiment of trying to write without aiming for an outcome. What does it mean to have faith I am not talking about whether you believe in god or not. The Antidote to FOMO It's that time of the week again. It's time to get picked for teams. Jamie, Billy, Aaron, Pete.... Braden. Nothing's change, always the last one. No one wants a… The Fog will lift, if you let it Okay, something has changed. It's the same desk, the same computer, the same work. But I hate it. I hate all of it. Maybe it's burn out ? I have been working a…