evergreen
Pay attention to what people want from a conversation
Practical, emotional or social. Work out which conversation someone wants before you answer the wrong one.
The first step to any conversation is to figure out what type of conversation you and others want to have. It’s vita to establish this shared understanding because it’s the bedrock of meaningful conversations.
Is it a :
- Practical discussion ?
- Do people just want to get things done? are they looking for a solution ?
- Empathetic discussion?
- Is it an emotional one? People just want to rant? or do they just want aspirational and want to share things ?
- Lean more into stories and compassion rather than solutions
Depending on who you speak to, it may not be easy to know because it’s harder for us to understand the goals of people that aren’t as close to us. Like your boss or colleague. We tend to have a better instinct for people close to us like family and close friends.
As you Share your goals to enter a meaningful conversation or Share your own feelings and ask about others, it helps to pay attention to what’s going on in the conversation to see if people actually understand what’s being said.
To do that, pay attention to :
- Do they lean in? Do they make contact ? or are they distracted ?
- If they want to interrupt, that actually means they want to add something to the conversation.
- If they are looking away though, or they just take in your comments without adding their thoughts, that means they aren’t interested.
If they decline our invitation for our topic, we need to get creative and find a way to get them interested. Some times it means we have misread what people want from the conversation.
- Did someone tell a story or a joke?
- That means they are looking to share, to relate or empathize. They aren’t looking for logical solutions
- Are they talking about plans and decisions ?
- Then they want a plan or some action. It’s a more practical kind of conversation
- Are there attempts to change the topic ?
- They want to add something to the conversation in a different angle.
Some times people don’t know what they want, so it’s important to experiment with different ways and see how people respond. If they do, that gives you some insight into what they want from the conversation.