The most important thing in a conversation is alignment and understanding

This doesn’t mean you need to have the same views or opinions. Being aligned means to fully understand the opinion of others while still expressing your own.

It means you want to have a curiosity mindset instead of a win / lose mindset. This is called a learning conversation. The idea is to be genuinely curious about the other person and want to truly understand where they are coming from. When are are aligned, the shared understanding will mean a deeper connection and a better conversation.

To get aligned, we need to identify the type of conversation that people want to have, including the type that you want to have. To put it simply, there are three types :

• What’s this really about ? (decision, logic and planning)
• How do we feel ? (emotional mindset)
• Who are we ? (social identity mindset)

To help understand the type of conversation you are having and how to get better at communication, here are 4 rules to keep in mind :

• Share your goals to enter a meaningful conversation
• Share your own feelings and ask about others
• Pay attention to what people want from a conversation
• Explore if identities are important to the conversation

These four rules pave the way for better alignment and the more aligned we are, the better the conversations we can have.